I wandered into the store called Joules earlier. To see if they had any little girls dresses, when I noticed the brightly decorated muslin cloths. ‘Hmm pretty’ I thought, I went over, and, written in big text across the front of the packaging was written “A mum’s best friend“.

“Fuck off” I thought, why not write “Now you’ve had a baby you can swap your mates for puke and snot, and you can also use it for yourself – Drool away, and If you want to talk to it too, you can, no one will mind anymore“.

What else is my best friend now I have kids? eh Joules? Fairy liquid? stretch mark cream? Draw string bin liners? electric shock therapy? Whats going on?