I didn’t mention it yet but I have a section in the Family section of the UK Guardian. It’s called ‘The Quick Guide to Family’ and is based on a series of images which started life on this blog. Here is the image in today’s copy. Inspired by how I feel sometimes:
I wandered into the store called Joules earlier. To see if they had any little girls dresses, when I noticed the brightly decorated muslin cloths. ‘Hmm pretty’ I thought, I went over, and, written in big text across the front of the packaging was written “A mum’s best friend“.
“Fuck off” I thought, why not write “Now you’ve had a baby you can swap your mates for puke and snot, and you can also use it for yourself – Drool away, and If you want to talk to it too, you can, no one will mind anymore“.
What else is my best friend now I have kids? eh Joules? Fairy liquid? stretch mark cream? Draw string bin liners? electric shock therapy? Whats going on?
Chatting to her mate outside Sainsbury’s local on Essex Road:
A friend tried to help me out with an introduction to a glamorous and slightly frightening looking art lady/powerhouse. I hate it when this happens it makes my brain suddenly become entirely filled with cotton wool. Her intense eyes and general demenour told me she had little tolerance for bullshit. Or me. It went a bit like this:
Friend: “Laura, meet Sam, she’s the NATIONAL REGIONAL ART BOSS AND RULER OF THE ENTIRE REGION, AND HOLDER OF THE KEY TO YOUR FATE AND YOUR FUTURE.. Sam, meet Laura, she’s an illustrator, and a designer. She’s really funny and talented…”
Sam: “Hello, Laura…”
Me: “Hi Sam………..How’s the wine?”
Sam: “It’s fine thanks……”
Me: “Oh good, yeah mine’s ok too….erm……don’t think I’ve had enough though…”
Sam “Well, erm….” (she looks from left to right) “TONY!!! HI, …Sorry, erm..
Me: “Laura……”
Sam “Laura (HA HA) it was lovely to meet you. Good luck with everything…” Sam legs it, all I see is the flash of red from her fast moving Louis Vuitton soles.
Me: “Yes, thanks, bye then…”
I breathe a sigh of relief. My mate looks shocked. “God you are shit”. she says.
The Daily Think 
